Expressing

I always feel the need to express myself. However, I am very bad at it. 
Which is which. 
Sometimes


I need time
I need some

That inside

How do you ever come out from sadness. Its like the potruding pain from inside. 

...ever worst.

....ever...

It's the weekend again

Here I am. In a car at pasar pagi. Since in here too early. I'll just wait in a car to let the hawker set up their stall first.
I woke up this morning with good feelings. But it started off way too bad. Following with things that not so bad.
Guess Allah knows better. I plan to take Mom out for breakfast. As usual, it followed with tons of questions and complains. Cut things short. Here I am. Alone.
Just a normal sad weekend again.

Regrets

It's personal. It's intimate. It's negative if you want to look at it. Things that always get wrong no matter how you look at it. And you ended up saying something awful and infuriating.
Playing blaming games are easy. Finger pointing are more easier. It's how you handle it matter the most. And for most of the time. It wasn't good.

Sometimes we utter things we weren't supposed to. Then we regret it.
But things got complicated when it comes to it. Pressured and squashed in between. There are times I regret thing I've said. Always I wished I wouldn't have said it.

....., by swallowing evil word unsaid, no one has ever hurt his stomach.

Why calling letters always caught my attention.

When I was once a little girl. I always envy my friends who were able to go classes. Some of my friends would tell stories of what they learnt at those classes. Gymnastics, mandarin language, English class, chess, swimming, arts.

And my inside was swirling and torn. How I wish i had that chances too. It would be so nice.

Since then, when I was still in Uni. I love going to seminars, colloquium, courses,extra curricular. I like to be with friends, being in class, in Hall or whatever. I loves the vibe that the speaker brought. I guess that really made me who I am today.

Now that I have kids, still i love seeing my kids to go to classes. but, circumstances are..kids are not mine alone. But hey, kelas mengaji also one of it right. 

Hoping and still, my kids wouldn't feel what I feel. For I have done my best in my capacity to give it all to you.

Cerita semalam.

Ini cerita semalam.
Alkisah pergi ke Billion.
Jalan konfiden. Langkah laju, kemas, tepat. 
Tapi mata pandang adik pegang penyapu. 
Sekali...gedegang!!!
"Ya Allah..kak..."
Pastu kami gelak sampai Tak kuar suara. 
Mata melilau tgk atas. Cuak kot Ada CCTV.